Venting

Jul 9, 2017 14:39:43 GMT 10 bixie said:

Also trying to remind myself what my therapist always tells me: it isn't you, it's them.

Kind of gets harder to believe the more this happens, but I guess it could still be true. She seems to think so.

i second your therapist on this one. x 1000.

Jul 9, 2017 14:25:47 GMT 10 bixie said:

Jul 9, 2017 14:22:43 GMT 10 @alice7477 said:

that upsets me a great deal. If it were up to me, I'd be on the hunt to find you some new and decent friends. Ass holes don't deserve your time or energy.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with that.

Thank you. I agree, and I have cut the ones prior to this out of my life. But this time, severing ties with this person (who is a bit of an alpha in our group of friends) would probably cause me to lose other friends too. Although I guess if that's the case, what kind of friends are they anyway, right? 

It'd be lovely to one day find people who actually like me and want to spend time with me and don't emotionally abuse me, neglect me, backstab me, ignore me, or dismiss me, but apparently, that day is not today.

Its horrible that you are having to deal with this bixie!! Definitely agree that they don't sound like people you would want in your life. We need friends who lift us up, not drag us down. 
Im sure you can and will find friends who will treat you better than this ❤️

Jul 9, 2017 14:12:06 GMT 10 bixie said:

Jul 9, 2017 14:07:22 GMT 10 coffeechick12 said:

That sounds super frustrating. Sorry you're dealing with that, bixie. If I were you I'd mute/unfollow/do whatever you need to do to make it so you don't see their posts on your timeline but you're still friends with them. That way you don't have to see their stuff but no one thinks badly of you for it. 

Thanks! I just muted her, and I'm trying to take lots of deep breaths.

For a lot of my life, I've had a belief that people don't actually like me - that they pretend and secretly wish I would go away and/or talk about me behind my back.

Over and over, people have reinforced that belief, and it effing sucks.

As someone who's struggled with social anxiety for most of my life, I understand feeling like no one actually likes you and that they're just pretending to like you to be nice and I wholeheartedly agree that it sucks, especially when people make it seem true. I hope you're able to find some better friends who don't make you feel that way but instead make you feel loved and appreciated and until you do you have your grannies here to help lift your spirits! Anytime you need to talk or even just want to chat, you can always message me on here or twitter. *hugs*

Jul 9, 2017 14:42:00 GMT 10 kiki said:

Its horrible that you are having to deal with this bixie!! Definitely agree that they don't sound like people you would want in your life. We need friends who lift us up, not drag us down. 
Im sure you can and will find friends who will treat you better than this ❤️

The saddest part of this (and this whole thing actually made me cry tonight) is that this group of friends USED to be those people for me. I thought I had finally found a group who loved me for who I am and embraced me for all of my flaws and wanted to support me, but now I don't think that's the case, at least for some of them. It seems somewhere along the way they decided I wasn't really part of their group anymore. I don't know when or why it happened, but I've been getting shut out for a while, and now it's become even more apparent.

And that's when it starts to mess with my head. These people have been my friends for around 15 years. They know me. So what is it about me that made them turn away?

It's all this complex I've developed. The same thing happened with my ex. He was with me for six years. He literally knew me better than anyone else ever has - ANYONE - and his last words to me were to tell me I was useless and hang up on me (calmly - not even out of anger).

It's hard not to wonder what it is about me that makes people keep doing this. All I can come up with is that there must be something about me that changes their minds until eventually they're just done with me.

I think my therapist just thinks I attract narcissists.

Jul 9, 2017 14:53:35 GMT 10 coffeechick12 said:

As someone who's struggled with social anxiety for most of my life, I understand feeling like no one actually likes you and that they're just pretending to like you to be nice and I wholeheartedly agree that it sucks, especially when people make it seem true. I hope you're able to find some better friends who don't make you feel that way but instead make you feel loved and appreciated and until you do you have your grannies here to help lift your spirits! Anytime you need to talk or even just want to chat, you can always message me on here or twitter. *hugs*

❤ Thank you!

Jul 9, 2017 14:56:38 GMT 10 bixie said:

Jul 9, 2017 14:53:35 GMT 10 coffeechick12 said:

As someone who's struggled with social anxiety for most of my life, I understand feeling like no one actually likes you and that they're just pretending to like you to be nice and I wholeheartedly agree that it sucks, especially when people make it seem true. I hope you're able to find some better friends who don't make you feel that way but instead make you feel loved and appreciated and until you do you have your grannies here to help lift your spirits! Anytime you need to talk or even just want to chat, you can always message me on here or twitter. *hugs*

❤ Thank you!

Anytime!

Thanks to all of you for listening. It's nice to have this venting thread to get stuff out when you can't do it through other means. ❤

So, I'm an idiot...not only am I still at almost 1 am, but I'm also talking to my ex.
He sent a random message saying he hoped I was having a good weekend and, instead of ignoring it and going on with my day like I should have, I replied and now he wants to come see me at work when I'm on my break and I don't know how to just say no, that's probably not a good idea so now I have that to look forward to on Monday...
I don't know why I do this. I'm too nice for my own good (gosh, that sounds so narcissistic...) I don't know how to say no and as a result people end up walking all over me like a doormat.
Like, is it a big deal that I now have to spend 30 minutes with him? No, there are much worse and bigger problems in the world than that. But, at the same time, it's not the best things for me and I know that, yet I still can't say no. So, yay me..

Jul 9, 2017 15:10:51 GMT 10 coffeechick12 said:

So, I'm an idiot...not only am I still at almost 1 am, but I'm also talking to my ex.
He sent a random message saying he hoped I was having a good weekend and, instead of ignoring it and going on with my day like I should have, I replied and now he wants to come see me at work when I'm on my break and I don't know how to just say no, that's probably not a good idea so now I have that to look forward to on Monday...
I don't know why I do this. I'm too nice for my own good (gosh, that sounds so narcissistic...) I don't know how to say no and as a result people end up walking all over me like a doormat.
Like, is it a big deal that I now have to spend 30 minutes with him? No, there are much worse and bigger problems in the world than that. But, at the same time, it's not the best things for me and I know that, yet I still can't say no. So, yay me..

that doesn't make you narcissistic, not in the slightest. You're a good hearted person! Boundaries, emotional and otherwise aren't easy and it takes time and practice to get it right. Mr Netti Pot (may I call him that?) will get his 'no' in due time.

Jul 9, 2017 15:10:51 GMT 10 coffeechick12 said:

So, I'm an idiot...not only am I still at almost 1 am, but I'm also talking to my ex.
He sent a random message saying he hoped I was having a good weekend and, instead of ignoring it and going on with my day like I should have, I replied and now he wants to come see me at work when I'm on my break and I don't know how to just say no, that's probably not a good idea so now I have that to look forward to on Monday...
I don't know why I do this. I'm too nice for my own good (gosh, that sounds so narcissistic...) I don't know how to say no and as a result people end up walking all over me like a doormat.
Like, is it a big deal that I now have to spend 30 minutes with him? No, there are much worse and bigger problems in the world than that. But, at the same time, it's not the best things for me and I know that, yet I still can't say no. So, yay me..

What do you get out of talking to him? what does he get out of seeing you? Sounds like you need to practice being firm. If he can't respect giving you space then why should you be nice and give into his whims?

Jul 9, 2017 15:10:51 GMT 10 coffeechick12 said:

So, I'm an idiot...not only am I still at almost 1 am, but I'm also talking to my ex.
He sent a random message saying he hoped I was having a good weekend and, instead of ignoring it and going on with my day like I should have, I replied and now he wants to come see me at work when I'm on my break and I don't know how to just say no, that's probably not a good idea so now I have that to look forward to on Monday...
I don't know why I do this. I'm too nice for my own good (gosh, that sounds so narcissistic...) I don't know how to say no and as a result people end up walking all over me like a doormat.
Like, is it a big deal that I now have to spend 30 minutes with him? No, there are much worse and bigger problems in the world than that. But, at the same time, it's not the best things for me and I know that, yet I still can't say no. So, yay me..

I used to be just like this (and still am, to a degree). I finally found I was able to start saying no as I realized I deserved more, and it was okay to look out for and protect myself, even at someone else's expense. It's a hard shift to make, but you shouldn't feel bad about reacting like you do. Not wanting to hurt someone's feelings is a really good trait to have; the key is finding a balance between that and not hurting yourself.

Jul 9, 2017 15:18:03 GMT 10 @alice7477 said:

Jul 9, 2017 15:10:51 GMT 10 coffeechick12 said:

So, I'm an idiot...not only am I still at almost 1 am, but I'm also talking to my ex.
He sent a random message saying he hoped I was having a good weekend and, instead of ignoring it and going on with my day like I should have, I replied and now he wants to come see me at work when I'm on my break and I don't know how to just say no, that's probably not a good idea so now I have that to look forward to on Monday...
I don't know why I do this. I'm too nice for my own good (gosh, that sounds so narcissistic...) I don't know how to say no and as a result people end up walking all over me like a doormat.
Like, is it a big deal that I now have to spend 30 minutes with him? No, there are much worse and bigger problems in the world than that. But, at the same time, it's not the best things for me and I know that, yet I still can't say no. So, yay me..

that doesn't make you narcissistic, not in the slightest. You're a good hearted person! Boundaries, emotional and otherwise aren't easy and it takes time and practice to get it right. Mr Netti Pot (may I call him that?) will get his 'no' in due time.

Thank you, Alice. I hope you're right. 
And yes, you may call him that. Anyone who decides to text their ex about using their nettipot for the first time like it's an exciting thing has earned the nickname. 

Jul 9, 2017 15:21:28 GMT 10 Tuskvegas said:

Jul 9, 2017 15:10:51 GMT 10 coffeechick12 said:

So, I'm an idiot...not only am I still at almost 1 am, but I'm also talking to my ex.
He sent a random message saying he hoped I was having a good weekend and, instead of ignoring it and going on with my day like I should have, I replied and now he wants to come see me at work when I'm on my break and I don't know how to just say no, that's probably not a good idea so now I have that to look forward to on Monday...
I don't know why I do this. I'm too nice for my own good (gosh, that sounds so narcissistic...) I don't know how to say no and as a result people end up walking all over me like a doormat.
Like, is it a big deal that I now have to spend 30 minutes with him? No, there are much worse and bigger problems in the world than that. But, at the same time, it's not the best things for me and I know that, yet I still can't say no. So, yay me..

What do you get out of talking to him? what does he get out of seeing you? Sounds like you need to practice being firm. If he can't respect giving you space then why should you be nice and give into his whims?

Honestly, you're right. 
I definitely get the short end of the stick in this situation (which is largely my own fault.) I get more anxiety and grief from seeing him and he gets...well, I don't know what he hopes to get, though I suspect he hopes us seeing each other will make me want to take him back. 
I need to just say no and not worry about explaining myself to him or anyone else
Edit: I realized I never said thank you for your advice so sorry! I do appreciate it

Jul 9, 2017 15:23:51 GMT 10 bixie said:

Jul 9, 2017 15:10:51 GMT 10 coffeechick12 said:

So, I'm an idiot...not only am I still at almost 1 am, but I'm also talking to my ex.
He sent a random message saying he hoped I was having a good weekend and, instead of ignoring it and going on with my day like I should have, I replied and now he wants to come see me at work when I'm on my break and I don't know how to just say no, that's probably not a good idea so now I have that to look forward to on Monday...
I don't know why I do this. I'm too nice for my own good (gosh, that sounds so narcissistic...) I don't know how to say no and as a result people end up walking all over me like a doormat.
Like, is it a big deal that I now have to spend 30 minutes with him? No, there are much worse and bigger problems in the world than that. But, at the same time, it's not the best things for me and I know that, yet I still can't say no. So, yay me..

I used to be just like this (and still am, to a degree). I finally found I was able to start saying no as I realized I deserved more, and it was okay to look out for and protect myself, even at someone else's expense. It's a hard shift to make, but you shouldn't feel bad about reacting like you do. Not wanting to hurt someone's feelings is a really good trait to have; the key is finding a balance between that and not hurting yourself.

Thanks, Bixie. You're definitely right and I appreciate the advice.
I thought I was finally at that point where I realized I deserved more and was done with him, but apparently not..
I'll figure it out one of these days

Jul 9, 2017 14:54:05 GMT 10 bixie said:

Jul 9, 2017 14:42:00 GMT 10 kiki said:

Its horrible that you are having to deal with this bixie!! Definitely agree that they don't sound like people you would want in your life. We need friends who lift us up, not drag us down. 
Im sure you can and will find friends who will treat you better than this ❤️

The saddest part of this (and this whole thing actually made me cry tonight) is that this group of friends USED to be those people for me. I thought I had finally found a group who loved me for who I am and embraced me for all of my flaws and wanted to support me, but now I don't think that's the case, at least for some of them. It seems somewhere along the way they decided I wasn't really part of their group anymore. I don't know when or why it happened, but I've been getting shut out for a while, and now it's become even more apparent.

And that's when it starts to mess with my head. These people have been my friends for around 15 years. They know me. So what is it about me that made them turn away?

It's all this complex I've developed. The same thing happened with my ex. He was with me for six years. He literally knew me better than anyone else ever has - ANYONE - and his last words to me were to tell me I was useless and hang up on me (calmly - not even out of anger).

It's hard not to wonder what it is about me that makes people keep doing this. All I can come up with is that there must be something about me that changes their minds until eventually they're just done with me.

I think my therapist just thinks I attract narcissists.

I have a long term friend who has repeatedly stopped talking to me, when we start talking again she has the most ridiculous reasons for why she was mad at me. I have cried my heart out over it too many times. Took my husband telling me repeatedly that I have to let it go. Now we are in touch sporadically but I am never holding my breath for the next time she wants to hang out. It's sad but it hurts much less now when I don't hear from her.

The kicker, a mutual friend had cut me out and I had no idea why, she confessed that it was because of things she had told her when she was mad at me (untrue things).

It really sucks, especially when you've been friends a long time but it's much healthier to let it go. If those other friends go too, then they are not the friends you need.

Jul 10, 2017 4:49:29 GMT 10 anastasia said:

Jul 9, 2017 14:54:05 GMT 10 bixie said:

The saddest part of this (and this whole thing actually made me cry tonight) is that this group of friends USED to be those people for me. I thought I had finally found a group who loved me for who I am and embraced me for all of my flaws and wanted to support me, but now I don't think that's the case, at least for some of them. It seems somewhere along the way they decided I wasn't really part of their group anymore. I don't know when or why it happened, but I've been getting shut out for a while, and now it's become even more apparent.

And that's when it starts to mess with my head. These people have been my friends for around 15 years. They know me. So what is it about me that made them turn away?

It's all this complex I've developed. The same thing happened with my ex. He was with me for six years. He literally knew me better than anyone else ever has - ANYONE - and his last words to me were to tell me I was useless and hang up on me (calmly - not even out of anger).

It's hard not to wonder what it is about me that makes people keep doing this. All I can come up with is that there must be something about me that changes their minds until eventually they're just done with me.

I think my therapist just thinks I attract narcissists.

I have a long term friend who has repeatedly stopped talking to me, when we start talking again she has the most ridiculous reasons for why she was mad at me. I have cried my heart out over it too many times. Took my husband telling me repeatedly that I have to let it go. Now we are in touch sporadically but I am never holding my breath for the next time she wants to hang out. It's sad but it hurts much less now when I don't hear from her.

The kicker, a mutual friend had cut me out and I had no idea why, she confessed that it was because of things she had told her when she was mad at me (untrue things).

It really sucks, especially when you've been friends a long time but it's much healthier to let it go. If those other friends go too, then they are not the friends you need.

Exactly! My childhood friends stopped talking to me after a big argument. All our friends were told not to talk to me either. My best friend even said "I hope you know how lonely you're about to be". During thst time I was also having problems with my narcissist dad who was spouting the same shit. I went from being pretty popular to having nobody but my bf. I let that betrayal fester to a point where every friend I made after was disposable. We would stop being friends eventually so why try? It wasn't until I looked at myself and was able to recognise my own mistakes, and my own self worth that i could move on.

I ended up messaging one of the girls and apologised for being a huge mess emotionally and I never heard back but guess what? I can go to sleep knowing I'm growing as a person. I wish i had someone to tell me to move on. If you think you are doing something to attract shitty people then you need to look at how you act as a person. Narcissists love people who they can push around. Don't be that person ♥️♥️

I can't do this publicly, but I have to do it somewhere. To the people who don't give a shit about my feelings:

So, I'm not sure this is venting but more a question about something that makes me crazy. Why the eff do kids say Noah fence on twitter? 😡 Are they not teaching spelling in school anymore or is this some kind of joke? Help me, I'm old.

Jul 12, 2017 5:21:53 GMT 10 AK713 said:

So, I'm not sure this is venting but more a question about something that makes me crazy. Why the eff do kids say Noah fence on twitter? 😡 Are they not teaching spelling in school anymore or is this some kind of joke? Help me, I'm old.

I can only assume it's some kind of joke like bone apple tea or whatever lol.

Jul 12, 2017 6:01:05 GMT 10 ratchetrachel said:

Jul 12, 2017 5:21:53 GMT 10 AK713 said:

So, I'm not sure this is venting but more a question about something that makes me crazy. Why the eff do kids say Noah fence on twitter? 😡 Are they not teaching spelling in school anymore or is this some kind of joke? Help me, I'm old.

I can only assume it's some kind of joke like bone apple tea or whatever lol.

I hope so... it makes me cringe every time I see it though.

Well I didn't know where else to put this so I am putting it out there...yes this is sad so if you don't want sad stuff DONT READ...I talked to my best friend And it helped but I still feel...weird. 
So my dog Cleo has had some heart issues and then around last year she hurt her leg and (we don't know how) and then she got arthritis. So she's on medicine and stuff because we just don't have the money for surgery for her..or the time. (it's just me and my gramma and my younger brother) She recently got this rash on the left side of her bum and it's scabs over and bleeds sometimes (gross I know) So we've been putting ointment on it and stuff and my gramma finally had enough She called the vet today and talked to her and the vet said it's possible that it is like a tumor or cancer.  So we've made an appointment to have the vet check her out on Thursday and it's possible she may not come back...I hope she turns out okay...I've literally grown up with her and my other dog...I know since they turned 7 in April they are older now but I don't know if I'm ready to let go yet...no one (not even animals) should have to live in pain...But I won't let her just suffer you know? if there is nothing we can do we gotta do what we gotta do..she is spoiled rotten and has had a good life so if she goes at least she will go happy. I am just kinda sad...I didn't really cry because it hasn't happened yet and who knows she may survive? I am just kinda scared and dont know what to do. I know people think "oh it's just a dog it isn't that bad" and I will still have my other dog but she's family! I have had her since I was 8 years old. It feels weird. I dunno what to do lol I am sorry for kinda rambling. Just had to get it out. 
Thanks for listening! Hug your pets! They are awesome!

Jul 12, 2017 7:31:13 GMT 10 randomer said:

Well I didn't know where else to put this so I am putting it out there...yes this is sad so if you don't want sad stuff DONT READ...I talked to my best friend And it helped but I still feel...weird. 
So my dog Cleo has had some heart issues and then around last year she hurt her leg and (we don't know how) and then she got arthritis. So she's on medicine and stuff because we just don't have the money for surgery for her..or the time. (it's just me and my gramma and my younger brother) She recently got this rash on the left side of her bum and it's scabs over and bleeds sometimes (gross I know) So we've been putting ointment on it and stuff and my gramma finally had enough She called the vet today and talked to her and the vet said it's possible that it is like a tumor or cancer.  So we've made an appointment to have the vet check her out on Thursday and it's possible she may not come back...I hope she turns out okay...I've literally grown up with her and my other dog...I know since they turned 7 in April they are older now but I don't know if I'm ready to let go yet...no one (not even animals) should have to live in pain...But I won't let her just suffer you know? if there is nothing we can do we gotta do what we gotta do..she is spoiled rotten and has had a good life so if she goes at least she will go happy. I am just kinda sad...I didn't really cry because it hasn't happened yet and who knows she may survive? I am just kinda scared and don know what to do. I know people think "oh it's just a dog it isn't that bad" and I will still have my other dog but she's family! I have had her since I was 8 years old. It feels weird. I dunno what to do lol I am sorry for kinda rambling. Just had to get it out. 
Thanks for listening! Hug your pets! They are awesome!

I'm so sorry you and your dog are going through that, randomer. it's never easy to see your pets suffer, much less have to think about putting them down. Some people don't get it, but your pets really do become family members and you get really attached to them, especially when you've grown up with them. I hope her visit goes well and that you're at least able to get some answers.

Jul 12, 2017 7:48:39 GMT 10 coffeechick12 said:

Jul 12, 2017 7:31:13 GMT 10 randomer said:

Well I didn't know where else to put this so I am putting it out there...yes this is sad so if you don't want sad stuff DONT READ...I talked to my best friend And it helped but I still feel...weird. 
So my dog Cleo has had some heart issues and then around last year she hurt her leg and (we don't know how) and then she got arthritis. So she's on medicine and stuff because we just don't have the money for surgery for her..or the time. (it's just me and my gramma and my younger brother) She recently got this rash on the left side of her bum and it's scabs over and bleeds sometimes (gross I know) So we've been putting ointment on it and stuff and my gramma finally had enough She called the vet today and talked to her and the vet said it's possible that it is like a tumor or cancer.  So we've made an appointment to have the vet check her out on Thursday and it's possible she may not come back...I hope she turns out okay...I've literally grown up with her and my other dog...I know since they turned 7 in April they are older now but I don't know if I'm ready to let go yet...no one (not even animals) should have to live in pain...But I won't let her just suffer you know? if there is nothing we can do we gotta do what we gotta do..she is spoiled rotten and has had a good life so if she goes at least she will go happy. I am just kinda sad...I didn't really cry because it hasn't happened yet and who knows she may survive? I am just kinda scared and don know what to do. I know people think "oh it's just a dog it isn't that bad" and I will still have my other dog but she's family! I have had her since I was 8 years old. It feels weird. I dunno what to do lol I am sorry for kinda rambling. Just had to get it out. 
Thanks for listening! Hug your pets! They are awesome!

I'm so sorry you and your dog are going through that, randomer. it's never easy to see your pets suffer, much less have to think about putting them down. Some people don't get it, but your pets really do become family members and you get really attached to them, especially when you've grown up with them. I hope her visit goes well and that you're at least able to get some answers.

Thank you coffeechick! I am just really worried about my other dog since we adopted them together on the same day they are best friends! I don't want him to get depressed and stuff and my gramma said she doesn't wanna get another dog for "a looong time" plus my other dog is SUPER protective and barks at every dog that's not himself or cleo. I hope he does well. Is it weird I am more worried about him than myself right now? 😂 I just don't want him to be sad and I know he'll probably look for her for a few days and I am scared it's gonna break my heart...but time heals right?
EDIT: wow I sound so emo lol

Jul 12, 2017 9:27:54 GMT 10 randomer said:

Jul 12, 2017 7:48:39 GMT 10 coffeechick12 said:

I'm so sorry you and your dog are going through that, randomer. it's never easy to see your pets suffer, much less have to think about putting them down. Some people don't get it, but your pets really do become family members and you get really attached to them, especially when you've grown up with them. I hope her visit goes well and that you're at least able to get some answers.

Thank you coffeechick! I am just really worried about my other dog since we adopted them together on the same day they are best friends! I don't want him to get depressed and stuff and my gramma said she doesn't wanna get another dog for "a looong time" plus my other dog is SUPER protective and barks at every dog that's not himself or cleo. I hope he does well. Is it weird I am more worried about him than myself right now? 😂 I just don't want him to be sad and I know he'll probably look for her for a few days and I am scared it's gonna break my heart...but time heals right?
EDIT: wow I sound so emo lol

no need to apologize or worry what you sound like. It's really rough to think about losing a pet. I really hope everything works out 💖

Thank you gossipgranny! 

Randomer,
Sweet girl.
You're just so wonderful.
It's quite lovely how much you care.
And dogs ARE family and crying is par for the course and most likely necessary.
If the worst happens, you'll be the one to help the other dog through it. You're a tender soul. And I have no doubt you'll manage it all perfectly. Snotty tears and all my darling.

Oh Randomer I'm so sorry to hear that.
I had to make the choice to put my dog to sleep last year and I'm not going to lie it was the shittiest thing I've ever done and felt terrible. A year later I know I did the right thing but it's not easy.
You have to be ruthless and think is it going to be better to prolong or not (money issues aside).
I hope it's nothing serious and I don't want to kid you thinking it's not.
I'll be thinking of you and I know how it feels.

Good luck.

And just to add I said we wouldn't get another dog then 2 months later we got a rescue beagle x which did not replace the one we lost but it filled a doggy gap in our lives.

And helped enormously with the grieving.

Thanks you guys! My gramma just told me a little bit ago that Cleo has a tumor and we could get the surgery to take it out HOWEVER if we do choose to take the cancer out now it'll come back with a vengeance...and we don't want her in pain and we cant fix her heart issues. So I guess the decision has been made. Not happy about it but it's the right thing to do and causes less pain down the road. At least she won't be in pain anymore. The appointment isn't until 4:00 pm on Thursday. I have all day tomorrow and most of Thursday. One word: PICTURES....And lots of them.  Much better than watching your dog suffer. I couldn't do that to the poor girl. At least she won't be in pain. 
Thank y'all for yalls kind words by the way! It's very sweet of you guys!

I'm so, so sorry baby.
A thousand pictures sounds like a lovely idea.
You'll be strong. You'll be okay.
I'd mail you Kleenex if I could.
And a hug in a box.